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ourhopes&expectations
blackholes&revelations
Saturday, June 14, 2008
I can really be so gullible.

It's nearing a week now since I found out. But my ears still burn with fury whenever it would cross my mind. I couldn't believe how naive I had been - believing your words when it has lies written all over it. You made me feel that I could trust you. That you're a friend. That you want to help me. That you cared. But that was all an act, wasn't it? It was all part of your rotten plan. 

You used what you are as a decoy and tricked me into thinking that what I'm doing is in his best interests, and my own too. And the natural imbecile that I am, I fell for it. I ignored my gut feeling - although it was screaming and fighting for my attention - and told myself that you, of all people, cannot do such a shameful thing.

But that's where I was wrong.

You are just like them - only worse, but altogether branching from the same tree. You all pretend to be nice and harmless, but by the time you are in close proximity with the target, your fangs, horns and tail claw its way out as you finish off your prey. You all have the same blood running through your veins: that of deceit, selfishness and betrayal.

What hurts me the most is the fact that when I met you, I was at the point in my life where I actually believed I'm getting more confident and stronger than I have ever been. That I can do things on my own. And when I was getting close to finishing that few remaining steps to the other side, you burned the bridge and turned it into rubble. As if saying, "Hah. You wish."

And I started feeling insignificantly tiny again. All those things I've been trying to bury - fear, vulnerability, weakness - are crawling back to the surface, haunting me. Thanks to you.

Don't you dare tell me that you're only human. Because newsflash: WE ALL ARE.

Someday, I know I'll find the heart to forgive you. I'm not made of granite. But right now, just allow me to grieve. You owe me that much. And the rest, you owe to the Lord. Siya na ang bahala sa'yo.



Tilt your head.

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