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ourhopes&expectations
blackholes&revelations
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I seriously don't know what to type here.

I originally planned on chronicling my practicum on a daily basis. But I never thought it would be this tough that at the end of each single day, I had no drive or any form of enthusiasm to stay up and write about it anymore. Do not get me wrong -- the people I work with are really nice. And I really think that they're doing everything they can to blot out all the uneasiness and fear which I'm sure they can sense from me. If there's anyone responsible for making this first week of practicum almost unbearable and slightly traumatic, that would be no one else but me. So, what happened anyway? Here are just fragments of my thoughts which I need to throw in here just to satisfy my desire to express and to unburden my already malfunctioning brain. LOL

The reason, I have to say, why the first week of my practicum was nothing but horrible for me is merely because of the fact that it's a form of change. Despite the ever famous and reiterated truth that change is constant, I was never a fan. I hate the feeling of not knowing what's going to happen next. I got so used to how I live my life every single day that even a tiny twitch in the order of things will cause me to freak out and be the drama queen that I've always hated myself for.

In many ways, the workplace is pretty similar to the familiar classrooms and hallways of the school grounds. The office is the new classroom, the employees would be the new classmates, and the boss would be like the professor. But despite having known this beforehand, why did it still make me feel like I'm in some reality fear factor-like show where I'm asked to place my hand in a box and touch whatever's in there while blindfolded?

This OJT experience touches some aspects of who I am which, until now, are kind of a blur to me. Let's just say it requires me to take deeper breaths because I have extra miles to walk. Or simply put, I need to step out of my comfort zone and brace myself for the unknown and the uncertain. It is really an unfamiliar territory and just the thought of it makes me flinch. But I figured, the real world is a much scary place. If I want to survive once I get there, then there's no other time to prepare for it than now. Because when I look at myself in the mirror, I'm certain that the person staring back at me won't last a single day.

I apologize for the rather vague delivery of this entry but I really can't go into details. I just need to place these thoughts somewhere else rather than my brain. I'm lucky that I have someone who does his best and patiently puts up with me whenever the drama queen resurfaces. He always carries half (or even more) of my burdens for me. Thanks, cupcake. I really don't know how I'd be able to make it without you. I love you.

What happened to the fragments of thoughts I was talking about earlier? XD



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