I originally planned on chronicling my practicum on a daily basis. But I never thought it would be this tough that at the end of each single day, I had no drive or any form of enthusiasm to stay up and write about it anymore. Do not get me wrong -- the people I work with are really nice. And I really think that they're doing everything they can to blot out all the uneasiness and fear which I'm sure they can sense from me. If there's anyone responsible for making this first week of practicum almost unbearable and slightly traumatic, that would be no one else but me. So, what happened anyway? Here are just fragments of my thoughts which I need to throw in here just to satisfy my desire to express and to unburden my already malfunctioning brain. LOL

The reason, I have to say, why the first week of my practicum was nothing but horrible for me is merely because of the fact that it's a form of change. Despite the ever famous and reiterated truth that change is constant, I was never a fan. I hate the feeling of not knowing what's going to happen next. I got so used to how I live my life every single day that even a tiny twitch in the order of things will cause me to freak out and be the drama queen that I've always hated myself for.

In many ways, the workplace is pretty similar to the familiar classrooms and hallways of the school grounds. The office is the new classroom, the employees would be the new classmates, and the boss would be like the professor. But despite having known this beforehand, why did it still make me feel like I'm in some reality fear factor-like show where I'm asked to place my hand in a box and touch whatever's in there while blindfolded?

This OJT experience touches some aspects of who I am which, until now, are kind of a blur to me. Let's just say it requires me to take deeper breaths because I have extra miles to walk. Or simply put, I need to step out of my comfort zone and brace myself for the unknown and the uncertain. It is really an unfamiliar territory and just the thought of it makes me flinch. But I figured, the real world is a much scary place. If I want to survive once I get there, then there's no other time to prepare for it than now. Because when I look at myself in the mirror, I'm certain that the person staring back at me won't last a single day.

I apologize for the rather vague delivery of this entry but I really can't go into details. I just need to place these thoughts somewhere else rather than my brain. I'm lucky that I have someone who does his best and patiently puts up with me whenever the drama queen resurfaces. He always carries half (or even more) of my burdens for me. Thanks, cupcake. I really don't know how I'd be able to make it without you. I love you.

What happened to the fragments of thoughts I was talking about earlier? XD

Jay and I are talking through SMS just now -- cracking up, fooling around and stuff like that. I was being funny - or at least trying to be - and teasing him when he suddenly replied with "Awww love u hon! D tau mag iiwanan promise" At first I got a bit confused. Are we on the same page? Did I miss out some messages? And so I asked him why, not that I'm complaining of course. Hehe. And he replied "Wala, inaassure lang kta" and some other mushy stuff I still can't stop smiling about. Yeee. Those random acts of affection and lambing smothered with lotsa cheesey cheese are definitely one of the things about that boy that gives me this giddy feeling inside of meeeeee. :)

Now that fellah, my friends, is definitely a keepah! ♥

I know. I have a lot of updating to do. I've just been really lazy lately. I feel like I just want to stay in bed and listen to music excessively because I've been deprived to do that during the latter parts of the term. Well anyways, here's what happened to me in the last 2 days..

APRIL 16
Security Bank Interview
I came on time like they asked me to. Apparently the person who's supposed to interview OJT applicants is still in the middle of something so we, the OJT applicants, were asked to answer more exams for the meantime. I was exasperated at first because those tests they were asking me to take were the same ones I took previously for my application. And besides, as far as I am concerned, I'm done with the examination part. I took and luckily passed all of it. So I believe I was asked to come here this time for the interview, and not more exams. Apart from that, today is the course card distribution day. I guess part of me is still hoping that I could be done by the interview just in time for me to get all my course cards myself. So I got bummed out for a bit.

After taking deep breaths to calm myself down, I did what they told me to do and patiently waited for my turn for the interview. It took such a long time that I already got acquainted with one of the OJT applicants whom I took the exams with. Her name is Aida and as it turns out, she used to study in La Salle as well, but is now taking up Computer Applications in St. Benilde.

I think it was a little past 11am when we were called for the interview. I let out a little sigh of relief thinking that I'm that closer to getting it over with. But when I saw the function room where we will be interviewed at, my palms started to sweat and I started thinking "Can we have a few more minutes, please?" Yeah. I seriously thought of that. It makes me laugh right now thinking about it and typing it out. Anyway, so there were 3 of us who are going to be interviewed at the same time. It lessened the horror because I know the interviewer's attention wouldn't be solely on me. So that's a good thing. The interview didn't last long. The guy who interviewed us (sorry its just now that I realized that he didn't introduce himself to us so I can't provide a name) wasn't too formal with his questions so it wasn't difficult for us to respond without stuttering or choking in mid-sentence. And by the way, he was a bit bewildered at the fact that even though 2 of us are from Benilde and I'm from La Salle, we have never seen each other before. I just smiled and nodded politely because I guess its only us who could understand the fact that even though we spend every day of the week in the Taft area, it doesn't mean that we should be familiar with everybody. I mean, its not as small as it looks. My classes are usually at the building on the far end of DLSU, away from CSB and so I spend most of my school time there. Them, on the other hand, might have most of their classes on that big new building along Vito Cruz which is quite an excruciating walk from mine. So there, just a thought. Anyway, after the interview, we were sent back to the HR floor where I was told to wait for a call indicating the time and date of my first day as an intern.

And that was it. All the classes missed and the long hours of examination which tested my patience and endurance paid off. It felt really great to get into a company when you know you've worked so hard for it. :)

Course Card Distribution
After my interview in Security Bank, I immediately went to school. I arrived there at around 12:30pm. I was so dehydrated, exhausted that I feel like I'm going to pass out. The heat was just so unbearable. The Security Bank office was fully airconditioned and I was there for 4 hours and I was still freezing. When I came out, the heat emanating from the sun was just so angry. I had a major headache and I feel nauseated the rest of the day.

Well anyway, after so much struggle with the claiming of the course cards itself, I finally got my grades and I was more than happy with it. Maybe it's not dean's list-high but it's better than what I expected. The mere fact that I survived this term without any failures puts me in ecstasy. All the stress were so worth it.

Thank you Lord for these wonderful blessings. There were A LOT (I mean it!) of times when I was on the verge of quitting and just walking away. You know, stop looking for a job, stop working so hard on my projects.. just stop caring. Because somehow I felt like no matter how hard I try, the chances of me getting a company on time or passing a decent project are little, if not none. But you thought otherwise. You made me realize that if I just believe enough, I can achieve the things I need to do. You have the power to turn what I though was mess into pure gold. Thank you so much. I am more than grateful.

APRIL 17
So Security Bank already called me and they said I was to start working for my OJT on Monday. That means I have today until Sunday to immerse myself in all the bum stuff I do and could think of. That's 4 days of summer vacation. Oh my, its not even a week. How tragic. Hahaha. Anyway, today's summer vacation day 1 and my agenda for today? MOVIE! Jay and I watched The Other Boleyn Girl.

The movie was very different from the book. They changed and omitted many details. There were also some portions where the turning of the events was slow. One thing I liked about it though is that it somehow satisfied my fascination for those lovely corsets and huge ball gowns. Those dresses with thick and colorful layers of fabric makes me wonder what it would have been like if I was born in that era. But at the same time, I also thought of how unfair the treatment is to women during their time. I once again felt the pain of Lady Elizabeth Boleyn on the fate of her children. And I also loved how Queen Katherine of Aragon was portrayed in the movie. She's gentle but tough. Overall, I liked the movie. Plus, the leads were just gorgeous. Don't you agree? :)

After the movie, we bought another pair of slacks and a blazer which I will use for work. I can't believe I'm saying it. I'm going to work! Although not work work but still, work XD Better enjoy the vacation now while it's still here because I sure am going to miss it once it's gone.

Well, that's it. This entry is getting quite long already so I better shut up now :)

Can you taste the freedom yet? I can't! Haha cos I still have my OJT to worry about. Oh and my grades too, which will finally be made known tomorrow. Tenen! It's the dreaded and infamous course card day. I believe it's the one day in each term filled with fun and excitement for the professors, but agitation and remorse for the students. As for me, I have felt that same agitating and remorseful feeling just about every time. I know it doesn't help one bit because the grades are already written there. Feeling anxious and pacing through the corridors back and forth won't magically make your grade higher. But for some reason, students can't help it. Or at least I can't.

This term, however, I will be spared a third of this agony. Why? Security Bank called me earlier. They told me they have an opening and wanted me to be there tomorrow morning. That means I won't be present to claim my course cards for two of my subjects tomorrow. The rest will all be in the afternoon, which I believe I will be able to claim myself as I will be done with Security Bank then. Well anyway, I really hope this is THE one because I'm tired of playing patintero with the companies I've applied to. HAHAHA!

Wish me luck tomorrow! I'm guessing it's going to be one long day..

My RCBC hopes are ruined. HAHAHA. After a long morning of waiting and more waiting, I'm still jobless. What now? LOL. I'm depressed. Haha shut up, me. XD Anyway, I'm blasting my speakers with music err.. noise, so I wouldn't hear my thoughts. And now I sound like a stupid love song. Hahaha okay enough. XD

I hung out with Jay and Airi today after we job-hunted. Haha. We decided to watch a movie: Shutter :) It was so fun kasi pare-pareho kaming duwag and we were literally leaning on each other's shoulders and covering our faces throughout the entire movie. Hahaha we paid a good amount of cash just to scare our asses off. But I had fun! That was a good momentary relief of sadness. Haha baduy.

Thanks for the fun day, you two! Cos the events after that were not that pretty anymore. Haha! But that's okay. It's my fault anyways.

Finals week is done! Okay not entirely because I still have one more exam on Monday but what the heck, I'm taking a fierce break! LOL I just watched Project Runway season 4 finale on youtube and Christian's been using the word "fierce" a lot on the show that it kinda become his trademark expression. Well anyway, so I watched the finale because I can't wait to see him win -- Oh I KNOW he's gonna win! He's so ferosh (he freaking invented that word)! :)) He's such a talent and the show would completely be lifeless without him! He's the gayest thing ever. So adorable! And he totally deserved the win. :)

Sarah and I were talking about light stuff -- you know, nothing serious and emotional to ease up on the stress and just cheer each other up. So yeah, we talked about tv shows for a bit and then Prison Break came up and here's what we said:

• S: aun, ung prison break ko tapos na pala ang season 3
• S: haii d ko pa napapanood
• C: hnggang season 3 palang ba un?
• S: opo
• C: kala ko mdaming seasons na
• S: ndi pa naman
• S: para ngang wala na ehh kasi nasa labas na naman sila ehh
• S: wala na sila sa prison
• C: haha oo nga eh tapos na yung mismong prison break
• S: dapat palitan na ung title
• C: dpat prison broke na

XD I love it when Sarah and I share moments like this one :)

To continue my quest (hahaha!) for a job, Airi, Cat, and I will apply tomorrow at RCBC Makati. Jay will come with us. There's a possibility that they won't have room for interns anymore but I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed and hope that this is the last time I'll be handing in my resume.

..back to watching Project Runway XD

The sucky term is almost over! Fortunately, I got through the horrifying hell weeks alive and partially breathing. HAHA! The past 2 weeks were the ugliest of all. Here's what happened, as far as school is concerned:

March 24th-28th: Departmental Exam Week
I had my 2-part ALGOCOM exam for Monday and Wednesday, THEOCOM was on Tuesday and Thursday, and INTROOS that Friday. Yes, it was awful. I had an exam each day of the week. And to top it all off, the exam (yup, another exam) I was supposed to take for the company I was applying for (for my practicum) fell on that same week (Thursday). As a result, I missed the second part of my THEOCOM exam. I asked my professor if she could let me take a make-up exam for it and she was kind enough to agree, scheduling it the day after (Friday). So I had 2 exams that Friday, plus I attended a symposium for SOCTEC2 because we were required to do so. It was scheduled in between those 2 exams so maybe you can guess what I did throughout the duration of it -- SLEEP. Thankfully, everything turned out okay.

The weekend after that was also stressful. I had projects due to coming week and I'm juggling them all at once. My fault, I know. I wasn't even able to attend Church and do my duties there because I was running out of time. Gratefully, Pastor Jon was considerate about it. He even gave me some readings entitled "How to Win over Stress" and "When You Are Under Pressure". It didn't cure my panic attacks right away. But it gave me hope. And hope is not something you want to not have.

March 31st - April 4th: Project Demonstration Week
This, for me, is the ugliest week of the term :)) I have 3 project demonstrations due that week. Monday, I took the 2nd set of exams for my OJT application. Tuesday, I submitted and demonstrated my machine project for GRAPHIX. Wednesday we presented our topic for the ALGOCOM Symposium. I think our group has the LARGEST number of attendees so you could just imagine the horror me and my groupmates went through. Haha. Thursday was my break day. I have nothing due that day. Friday, we had our project demonstration for INTROOS. We were asked to familiarize ourselves in using a different operating system (Linux/Unix) by performing basic operations via the terminal window. I chose Ubuntu because Jay already has a cd of it so I didn't have to download it from the net. It turned out pretty okay.

Now I'm relaxing a bit. Enjoying the little me time that I could possibly have before I start studying for finals. So there, I just gave an update on how I wasted the past 2 weeks of my life with school. Hahaha! As much as I want to stay as far as possible from it this summer and just have fun, I really want to get my practicum over with. So job openings, anyone? Talk about desperate. XD