I know I am in no way commendable of asking things from You because I haven't really done anything to prove my worthiness but no matter how appalling I turn out to be, You are not quick to judge. You look at Your children with equality, and I know deep in my heart that You still consider me as one. If there are any condemnations about me that are to be thrown out to my face, Yours is the only one I'd willingly acknowledge. People down here judge all the time although they don't really understand. But I know that You, up there, does and that is why I am here, kneeling down upon Your feet.

I have been struggling with a lot things in my life. Things that I can't seem to juggle all at once which made it even more of a predicament to find a decent alone-time with Jay. I know that this is not enough excuse for my horrible disregard for his feelings lately that's why I am deeply sorry and at a loss as to how I could make it up to him. He has a lot of impediments himself but he still makes it certain that I could feel his presence every time I need to -- especially when I need to.

As much as I want to ask WHY Jay and I are experiencing all of these, I chose not to. I do not have the right to grumble because I myself am perfectly aware that we have not been on our best behavior lately. Also, I know that You are GOD and that You purposedly permitted all of these. You know what You're doing and that is reason enough for me to not be dubious about it and just accept everything wholeheartedly.

I am not asking You to lift this burden away from our shoulders. I won't ever do that. I believe You have Your own time and I would want to let that be. But I do have a plea. A plea that, if granted, would make the weight a lot more bearable: Please take good care of Jay. Look out for him, especially now that I am very incapable of doing so. He has been through a lot already and he's even going through a lot more right now. I always tell him that I'll be strong for him if he gets weak but right now, I am running out of places to pull strength from. So please give him strength and let him not lose hope.

Okay, maybe I asked too much already instead of just one thing. But I know that there is nothing impossible with You and I believe that You are teaching us something out of all these. Whatever that is, it will surely be worth all the grief and sorrow.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

I don't get you anymore. I can't figure out why you're being like this. You tell me you trust me, but you don't. You really don't. And you easily get mad for the littlest of mistakes that I do. Sometimes we're good, but most of the time we're not. You don't seem to care about what I feel anymore.